Shut it, or Ill Freeze Your Balls Off!
by Impersonating-an-entity
Summary: rated for violence, mental wackiness, implied lemon, swearing. Jin's POV, desc of Touya from the time he came to the shinobi till he and Jin become mad lovers. -


Something of a history, from Jin's PoV of Touya from when he first joineed the shinobi to when they hooked up yummy!

Not mine.

* * *

'Tell yeh, when Touya first joined the Shinobi, he was kinda scary. He was like an animal: his words, I swear it. I mean, he had this scary grin/smirk thing, and his eyes were always kinda narrow, and a'glintin' dangerously. Gave me the willies, y'know?

Anyhow, he was violent. Maybe as violent as Bakken. He _loved_ fighting: killing too. I tell you what, Reisho and him were buddies then, good ones. They'd go drinking together to celebrate when we got paid for a big job. I mean, I was invited, but I've never much liked Reisho, and at the time, like I said, Touya was scary. At that time, Bakken and Gama weren't around, y'know, so I'd go off on my own and goof off a while till they finished.

So he was violent, and he was sex-driven. He was a fiend back then. He had an eye for a good whore, and more often then not, he forced his way on them and left without paying.

It was funny, 'cuz back then, even though I was as 'perky' as I am now; it was really hard to act it with them around. It was kinda' like I had to be happy on my own time. I mean, Reisho would get mad if I was too loud (he said I was annoying) and Touya would just grin at me and say "If you don't shut up in the next minute, Jin, I'll freeze your balls right off." I invariably shut up - I mean, he could; I saw him do it to someone once, and I swear, I didn't cross Touya for a month, and I didn't jack off, either - certainly nowhere near Touya!

So anyhow, he had me pretty darn scared.

One day, he came up to me and licked his lips and asked if he could 'have a ride.' I fell over backwards, and flew up a few feet above him before yelling "Hell, no!" He got mad though (well who couldn't see that coming?), and threw a couple shurikens at me, but it was easy for me to get out of range, even considering Touya's a good shot and has a broad range.

Now let me explain real quick: I had noticed once or twice that Touya was awful pretty, especially when he was asleep and he wasn't grinnin' that creepy way, but I was too damn weirded out by him to be a'tall interested, and I tell you what, animals don't do it for me, and that's basically all I saw in Touya at the time. I mean, tigers are beautiful, but there's no way in hell I'd let one of them ride me, right?! So there you go, Touya was a tiger. I mean, he was a deamon but... _you_ know what I mean, right?

So, not long after he'd asked me and I first came up with all that, I started thinkin' of him as Tiger, or Tiger Touya. 'Course, I never called him that (I don't think he would have appreciated it, and I sure as hell didn't want my balls frozen off!) but that's how I thought of him.

But of course, it wasn't long after _that_ that I woke up one night (which is unusual for me - normally when I sleep, I'm out like a light and it's impossible to wake me any sooner then I absolutely have to be up. I guess that's why I never noticed before) and I heard someone murmuring. It _sounded_ like a little kid, so I got up and looked around, but then I realised it was Touya. See, I slept a ways away from Touya and Reisho; they creeped me out. (I know, I already said it, but I wasn't sure you'd have it down yet!)

Well, I walked down to where Touya was sleepin' and knelt next to him and listened for a while; and I tell yeh, what I heard was sure a shock to my system!

Touya's body was all tense, and his face scrunched up like he was hurtin' real bad, and he was talkin' (beggin' really) to his master in his dreams... I still remember exactly what he said, once I'd gotten sufficiently out of my daze and I was able to actually understand him.

He said "I don't care what they want, or that I'm giving it to them, if it'll get them to let me out!" His voice trembled.

"What about your pride?"

"Fuck pride!" his voice shook, "What's it gotten me, but hurt? I'd rather do what he asks me, whatever it is, and be free of this! My pride's always been in the way of getting what I want, or of getting away from what I don't want. Pride is something only fools have!"

"But,"

"Miyuki, you have to go! Get away from me now!" Touya screamed, flinging his hands out as though to shoo, Miyuki, I guess, away.

"Touya, I won't!"

"GO!"

His voice changed. It alternated between a soft, feminine tone, a scared, desperate little boy's.

He shifted slightly, at first I worried he was gonna' wake up, but I think he was just moving to a different nightmare...

"No… I have to… meet Master's… specifications…. I don't want more…"

Then he rolled over on his back (did I mention he'd been lyin' on his side? Well, he had been) and yelled, "You're solid! You're not Miyuki! You're Nitronata in guise! Let me go; stop mocking Miyuki! At least take your own face, you disgusting, pilfering,-" He paused for a few minutes, jerking painfully rigidly, before he continued, saying "You sick bastards! Miyuki represents my MOTHER! Not some foolish sex toy!"

At that point, I'd heard about enough of his nightmares, but he relaxed suddenly, so I decided to stay just a few more minutes, y'know, and maybe learn something else.

Because the Touya I'd known could never be beaten or taken advantage of, and he had no pride or honor to worry about, he begged no one, and he didn't care about sex - or rather, he didn't see it as something that degraded a person, and previous to hearing his nightmares, I had kinda' figured that if his mom was pretty enough, he wouldn't have had a qualm in fucking her either. But apparently, he would have, or at least, at one point in his life.

So I waited a few more minutes and heard him mutter "I'm ice... I'm ice; I feel nothing; I'm numb... nothing matters, nobody cares; I don't want this: I want my mother, I want Hiroshi, I want to go home...."

I walked away, thoroughly confused at this sudden new insight. Maybe Tiger Touya wasn't such a tiger after all.... Being unable to solve this puzzle, I promptly fell back to sleep, and stored this little grain of knowledge safely in the back of my mind.

I didn't let that knowledge rot away though! I thought about it for a long time, and finally came to a conclusion. See, after that, I started gettin' up and listenin' to him to see if he had more dreams like that. Jesus Christ, did he! Slowly, I ended up learning a lot about his past, and I know he would die if he knew how much I knew about him just from that. I mean, I still needed him to fill in some pretty big gaps for me, but I got a big picture.

Well, he would die if he found out about it now. If he knew about it then.... well, I think it's safe to say that he wouldn't have stopped at freezing just my balls off! Or if he did, I woulda counted my self lucky he didn't freeze me entire'!

So, after several weeks probably of listenin' ta' him at nights, I started tryin' to act real friendly to him. It was _hard_ at first! I mean, even though I heard his nightmares, he was still just as creepy during the day as always! But I tried. Even though he leered at me and threatened me and tried to get me back on his pallet with him, I tried.

And yeh know what? After a while, he stopped bein' so mean to me. He was still a violent little sex fiend, but he wasn't mean to me. That was progress for me! Still, it wasn't until Gama showed up that Touya started really to become who he is today. It was Gama that instilled (actually, he didn't instill, just reminded) an honor code in Touya.

See, we all knew Touya was the ice master of the Riyoshuken line, but Reisho didn't know a whole lot about that line, and hell, you know me! I'm pretty well clueless! But Gama, well, he was a scholar. I think in studyin' all about the herbs and what not he used to make his paints, he picked up quite a bit of other knowledge as well.

Anyhow, apparently the Riyoshuken line is kind of a mystery to most people except the Riyoshuken's themselves, and a few really, really smart people who read EVERYTHING! And, apparently, the Riyoshuken's themselves don't ever really know everything until they get the right apprentice. And since THEY don't ever know everything until they near the end of their lives, no one else knows much but a handful of general facts. Even seers can't foretell a Riyoshuken's destiny.

It's all very weird. Gama once said something about a cycle of destiny, and psuedobreak, and he explained that seers couldn't see because a shield and ruining the cycle, but I never really understood so many big words at once. Yes, well, I'm country born and bred, what do you expect!

But I've gotten really off topic. So. At one point, Gama made Touya sit down with him and they talked a while, and for the next few days, Touya was in a bit of a daze. I know they talked about Touya being a Riyoshuken (That's why I mentioned it, of course!) but I'm not really sure _why_ it made such an impact.

I remember over-hearing (What? Have you seen my ears? They're huge! Not that I don't like them. But it makes it awful hard not to over-hear things! Okay, so I eavesdropped a little... What?!) Gama tell Touya that he had to remember the "Riyoshuken honor" and that it was time he remembered his path. He asked if Touya had been able to use his 'ice whistle' (at the time, I had no idea what that was, and stared blankly) and Touya shook his head and said no, he hadn't, and he'd tried. Gama said that was because he'd gotten so violent. He said a lot of things, and at first Touya just gave him that wolfish grin, and rejected everything, but after a while, I began to see him change. He still grinned, but the grin seemed empty. Like he was just trying to keep looking that way on the outside, while he decided what he should really do.

After that, Gama lead by example, not that he hadn't been honorable before, of course. And as I said, Touya kinda was in a daze for a while. He went through the motions of what he'd been like before, but it was like his grin when he was talking to Gama - it was empty, while he decided what to do next.

He was still violent, he was still a fiend, but he didn't seem to care anymore. It was kinda' funny, because before, we could tell he was restless, and thought it was cuz'a that that he did those things, but it seemed like he had just realized that violence and sex weren't filling the hole, and it made him all the more restless, 'cept now, he didn't know what to do with himself.

So, he started to turn inward, and draw into himself. He got quieter and quieter, and I think he was drawing up his honor code. After a while, he stopped visiting his whores, except now and then, but it was normal, y'know? It was what was usual for a male deamon of our type - it _wasn't_ his crazy, frenzied animalistic type of fervor.

And he wasn't near so violent. His kills were never sloppy, but they used to involve a lot more... ummm, energy... and finesse…ummm, creativity.... and.... well, he was not pleasant to watch. I swear though, he got so precise and subtle in his kills now, that he nearly turned it into an art form! And it did become interesting to watch him.

He and Reisho weren't buddies anymore - Touya was becoming too inwardly focused for Reisho to like him much anymore. So it was kind of lucky that Bakken joined pretty soon after Gama, because it meant Reisho had a new 'play-mate' and he could afford to leave Touya alone. Otherwise, I think Touya might never have had a chance to be honorable.

But you know what? I'm the one that clinched it. Yeah, me. I'm the one that got Touya to really go straight. (that is, as far as morals and honor and stuff were concerned) Yeah, I know, I'm pretty cool, huh?

See, by now, I'd gotten to be real friendly to him, though he had (as I said) become much more quiet. So, y'know, we'd sit, and I'd ramble at him and stuff for a while, and I think he'd come to enjoy because it gave him an excuse to sit and think for a while, because when the part of him that wanted to do something nagged at him, he could say he was listening to me, do so for a few minutes, then go back to working out all his thoughts, which, as I understand, were pretty scattered then.

But then, we're sittin' there and I'm talkin' at him, and he stops me. "Jin," he said, and I looked at him, wondering what he was going to say - he didn't talk too much, now that he wasn't an animal. "What's it like to fly?"

I think there was more to the question then he was sayin', and I later wondered if it had to do with what Gama had said about destiny, but at the time, all I could figure was that there was somethin' he wasn't sayin'. But, I wasn't feelin' like pryin', especially since I didn't want him gettin' angry or anything, so I began describing it with all the joy I always had when someone asked me about it.

After a while, Touya sighed. He looked at me and said, "It sounds wonderful. I wish I could as easily as you..." he trailed off, and my face lit up, as an idea landed on top of me.

"Well, come on, I'll take yeh!" I said, hopping up (that's figurative, by the way, since I was actually just sitting in the air, Indian style like I always do.) and racing behind him. I picked him up and swept him off his feet before he could say anything, and in the next instant, I sped up into the sky with a huge grin.

"Holy shit, Jin!" Touya yelped, wrapping his arms around my neck instinctively and clinging to me for dear life.

"What?"

I could feel his heart pounding, and wondered to myself. Had I scared Touya? Well, that was definitely what signaled the end of his being an animal. He was a fully sentient being. Touya just looked at me, and to be honest, I'm not sure just what I saw in his eyes, but I remember it was the first time I was conscious of any desire for him as anything but a comrade, or a friend.

"Well, yeh wanted to fly, so let's go!" I said, grinning suddenly, trying to break the silence that suddenly yawned between us. I zoomed forward, and Touya yelped again, this time wordlessly, and clung to me even more tightly, as moving forward instead of up required being horizontal, not vertical - which meant that Touya was now beneath me, and secure only by my grasp. Apparently, this bothered him. 'Can't imagine why, it's not like I'd've dropped him - not unless I meant to, anyhow.

After a few minutes though, he started to relax and finally turned his gaze downward. Did I mention we were at the best frickin' place to go flying, by the way? I mean, the moon was out, and a few of the brightest stars, and we were by this massive lake, so the reflection was just beautiful, and the forests, and the river that laced through the forest....

Well, it even had me a little extra-impressed, and I was used to views like that, so Touya was fair stunned. So he was content to just look around agape at everything for some time.

After that, we got to where we did it pretty often. Every couple nights or so, I'd take him flying. It was the third time, when we landed and were finished for the night, that I saw him smile for the first time. "Thank you, Jin," he said. My heart swelled in my chest so big, and I didn't know what to say, so I just smiled really big and hugged him. After a minute of confusion, he even hugged me back.

A few weeks after that, though, I screwed things up. Really bad, I think. I let him know that I knew something I wasn't supposed to know.

We were flying again, and I'd stopped for a while and was sitting up in the air to let him enjoy the sight (he was sitting in my lap, and by now, I definitely had a crush on him, so _that_ was a thrill!) from a still point of veiw. I had my arms around him under the pretense of making sure he didn't fall, and I started talkin', 'cuz you know me - I can't help it, I talk!

I was thinking of that first time I'd over heard him in his sleep, and then I said "Yeh know, Touya, I care. And I bet yer parents do, wherever they are." And y'know, if I'd left off there, everythin' woulda been fine, 'cuz Touya looked a bit surprised, but happy. But no. Blabbermouth Jin doesn't know when to shut his mouth, and naturally, I continued. Who didn't see that coming, right?

So, I said "And I bet Miyuki does too." I mean, I didn't even know who she was to Touya, and I said that! All I knew was she was a mother figure, and I wasn't supposed to even know who she was, or the name, or that she had any significance to Touya whatsoever!

Touya stiffened in my lap. "How do you know about Miyuki?"

I could have slapped myself. "I... I... I'm not tellin'!" That 'prolly wasn't the best thing to say, but tellin' Touya that I'd been listenin' to him talk in his sleep didn't seem to good either.

Touya turned and focused his eyes on mine. "Tell me, Jin."

Now, Touya hadn't threatened to freeze my balls off for a _LONG_ time, but I figured he was gonna be mad enough to, and I was real afraid for my little men downstairs. I was worried he might do it to get me to tell him, but I figured if he found out the truth, he would _definitely_ freeze my balls off, and probably a few other necessary organs, too. After a moment's indecision, I shook my head.

"I'm sorry Touya, but I'm not tellin' yeh. If it matters, you don't have to explain who Miyuki is to me?" I said pleadingly.

Touya sighed. "Set me down, Jin."

"But, Touya! Can't we just-" I started to argue, but he cut me off.

"Set me down, Jin." He spoke each word with singular, icy precision, like they were each their own sentence.

I realized nothing I could say would matter, and, for once, I surrendered without a fight. "Kay, Touya." Touya didn't look at me the rest of the flight back, nor did he speak. When I landed and set him down, he walked away immediately and wordlessly.

He refused to talk to me again for some time. In case yeh didn't know, ice masters are _really_ good at keeping grudges. My ears began to droop. (Usually my ears stay upright, and they twitch when I'm really happy. As yeh may 'ave guessed, they only droop when I get depressed, which isn't often, so I guess my ears prolly needed the rest, though I sure didn't.)

It was around that time that the final member of our Shinobi group joined: Ruka. Ruka was what Touya and Gama later referred to as the 'mediator.' Touya, once he was on speaking terms with me again, described Ruka as 'charming.' I settled for amazing.

The thing about Ruka was that she could get along with all of us with ease. While Gama didn't bother Reisho and Bakken, they weren't friendly, Touya no longer got along with Reisho and never with Bakken, I only got along with Gama, since Touya wasn't talkin' to me anymore. But Ruka, she could drink and make dirty jokes with Bakken and Reisho, she could hold intelligent conversations with Gama, she could get Touya to not only talk, but sometimes even tell her something important, and she could joke with me forever, and she loved to go flying, too. She could do anything, and get along with anyone.

But, at this point, Ruka was still learning her powers. She had tremendous strength, and learned incredibly rapidly (she went from novice to Master status in under a decade, which is a feat most demons, including myself and Touya, would kill for). All the rest of us were masters, constantly improvin' our skills, but we didn't need further education in them. When she joined us, she had only recently discovered her knack for binds. But Reisho could see that she was promising, and she got along well, so he let her join anyhow, something he wouldn't have let anyone else do.

So, she was practicing, and it was because she was untrained, and Touya was willing to help her, that I finally got a chance to talk to Touya. She accidentally put a bind on him that kept him more or less immobile, and she couldn't take it off. It would evaporate on it's own once she cut her power off from it, 'cuz it'd run down, but until then, she did not have the ability to remove it.

Because of her mistake, I had a captive audience. This time, Touya couldn't walk away from me and ignore me. I convinced Ruka to leave and let me talk to him alone. I propped him up against a set of stones so he could sit and be more or less comfortable, while he glared at me for daring to touch him.

I sighed and sat down in front of him. "Look, Touya," I began, trying to decide what to say and mostly making it up as I went along. "I'm really sorry. Ok? I found out abou' Miyuki, 'cuz one night, ye were talkin' in yer sleep, and said some stuff about her: enough fer me 'teh figure out she was importan' to yeh. Yeh had also said somethin' later about no one carin', so I figured lettin' yeh know I cared would be good, an' I figured sayin' she cared would be even better. I didn't know it would make yeh so mad, and I sure didn' mean 'ta make yeh mad. So I'm sorry. Anyhow, I guess that's all I can say ta yeah, at least right now, since I dunno what yeh got to say back, so..." after another sigh and a few minutes deliberation to see if I could think 'a anythin' else, I stood up and left, telling Ruka she should probably go keep Touya company again.

Touya ended up stayin' bound like that for about a week. It was kinda funny, 'cuz Ruka ended up havin' to force feed him, so he didn't starve. Her bind was good, and like I said, she had a lot of power, so she had to pry open his jaws, shove the food in and let them nearly snap closed, then she had to tickle his throat so he could swallow, and repeat the process all over again. I'd 'ave helped, but I figured force-feedin' (or force anythin') Touya would not make him any more willin' to accept my apology.

When the bind finally wore off it was in stages, and wouldn't yeh know it went from the ground up? It took a full day for it to wear off completely, and as soon as Touya could walk, he came and found me. At first he tried to write to me, but I couldn't read back then, and I said as much. He was dismayed, and we waited until he could finally talk again.

When he could, he (naturally...) started with a sigh. "How much else did you learn from my talking in my sleep?" he asked.

"Nothin', really..." I lied. Even though Touya knew how to make his face unreadable, he also couldn't read other people's faces very well, which seemed to me an odd trade off. Case in point, he either believed me, or he let it go.

He sighed again, staring at his lap for a while. "Fine... I accept your apology, on the condition you take me flying this instant."

My ears twitched hopefully, and I grinned slowly. "'Course I will!" I said after a moment. So I picked him up like before, and off we went. He didn't smile like he done every time after that third one, and he didn't even look as awed as he usually did, just quiet and calm, and sort of like he was thinking, which he probably was. But still, he did hold me as he always did, if not with the same sort of warmth and I decided not to risk messing things up again. I didn't say a single word; I just let him think.

When the first bit of dawn light showed up, I headed back for camp, but Touya stopped me. "You haven't let me stay up to see sunrise from here before. I want to," he said quietly.

I risked a grin as my ears fluttered a bit and sat Indian-style in the air, tugging him in my lap like I had when I'd said those fateful words, and we watched the sunrise in silence. When it finally was completely over the horizon, Touya sighed and nodded, and I took this to mean he was ready to go down. I let us glide down slowly, and set Touya down very carefully. Touya nodded again, and began walking towards camp - I had set us down some few yards away.

After a few more days, we settled back inta' the same basic schedule, ta' my relief. However, Touya had still become more quiet and reclusive. He only talked to Gama and Ruka about important stuff, and though that wasn't often, I still felt bad. Once I'd gotten over my relief at bein' able to talk to him a'tall, I began to feel left out, and it became of utmost importance ta' me to get his trust back.

As t'was, he wanted me to take him flying still, and he permitted me ta' talk at him and he would even talk back occasionally, but he wouldn't let me ask about Miyuki, an' he wouldn't say anything about her, his past, or anything else that mattered fer much. The one time I'd been foolish enough to ask about Miyuki, he had said "If you don't shut up in the next minute, Jin, I'll freeze your balls right off," like he used to and walked away angrily. I was so in shock with the revival of the old threat, I didn' bother to try an' chase him down.

I tried everything I could think of, but Touya didn' seem to gain any trust in me, though, at least, he didn' seem to _distrust_ me, which I guess was _somthin'._ Still, it wasn't exactly what I was hopin' for, especially since I was pretty sure my feelings weren't just a 'crush' anymore.

So, one night, when I was babbling on at him, and I didn't think he was paying attention, I ended up sayin', "An' yeh know? I wish yeh would trust me, 'cuz I think I love yeh, but I don' guess that matters much, be'cuz ye still aren't gonna tell me anythin' about yeh that I don' already know, so maybe I don' love yeh, 'cuz I dunno enough about yeh, but I wish I did," and all of a sudden, Touya looked up and caught me square in the eyes and all the breath just flew out of me and I actually went from hovering in the air like I always did ta' sitting with an 'oof!' on the ground a foot below me.

"What did you just say?" he asked, looking at me, and I swear his eyes were so intense right then. I don't really know what emotions were locked behind them, but they were intense!

I looked at him weakly, half-crying, "Oh, not this again! Don' ye be gettin' mad at me fer slippin' up again! Damn me and my mouth, always gettin me in trouble and-"

"No, Jin, I'm not going to get mad at you... Just... tell me what you said again please."

I looked at him a bit sadly and let my ears droop a little. "I think I love yeh, Touya..."

He looked a bit surprised, and his intense, icy-blue eyes widened and he said, "Just one more time, please?"

"Touya... damnit! I love you!" he stared at me for several minutes, and finally I exclaimed, "Well, can't yeh say anything back ta me, now? Yeh only made me say it three times, now are you gonna' gape at me like a dead fish?!"

Touya promptly closed his mouth, and I guess he had only just realized that it had been hangin' open, and he looked away promptly. "I... don't know what to say," he replied softly.

I felt tears at the corners of my eyes. "Well, fine then! 'Cuz I think I know what ta' say!" I stood up, angry and hurt. "Screw you, Touya! Screw you, and yer fuckin' silence, and all yer secrets, and yer damn touchiness! Yeh know what? I think I liked yeh better when yeh first showed up and were all about yer stupid whores and yer threats and yer fightin' and killin', because at least then, yeh weren't so confusing! I wish yeh would go back to bein' a mindless animal like before, yeh damned icy bastard!" I yelled, turning and flying away before he could say anything. I flew away before I let him see me start to cry.

I stayed away from the camp fer a week, after letting Gama know ta' tell the others not ta' come after me. When I finally came back, it was my turn ta' refuse ta' acknowledge Touya.

He tried several times, as I had, to talk ta' me and reason things out, I guess, but just as he had before, I shunned him every time, finding an excuse to get away when I could, and when there was no excuse, I just flew off anyway, so he couldn't get me.

It's funny, the way he'd finally gotten my attention was quite similar to how I'd gotten his. However, there was an added level of difficulty to getting me.

Once again, Ruka had made a mistake in practicing her binds, and I was made to stay within a twenty foot radius of where I was when the bind was cast. So, I was limited to how far I could go to get away before I had to go a different route. Naturally, I chose to go up. Touya sighed and began climbing the nearest tree. I grinned a little at this and decided I would stay still until he'd gotten close enough to talk to me, then I'd zoom away.

That's exactly what I did, and with another sigh, Touya half-jumped, half-dropped down to where he could easily cross through the trees and climbed the next tree nearest me. We played this game for a few days before I finally decided Touya was determined enough to be allowed to say what he wanted to say.

By that time, Touya was a mess. He was scratched and bleeding lightly from where thin, whippy branches had cut at his skin, his clothes had torn, his hands were marked from where he'd accidentally grabbed branches with thorned vines, he was a bit sweaty, and dirt and bark dust powered him head to toe. (Don't ask me how dirt gets up in the tree branches, I was never really sure, but it does!)

I crossed my arms and sat patiently, giving him a moment to catch his breath. "Jin..." he panted, I guess making sure that I knew he wanted to talk, and not to fly off again. "Look... I'm sorry I didn't say anything to you. I was... shocked. And Jin... I... I'm not sure. Ice doesn't feel. I'm not even supposed to be able to love. I... don't know... I'm not sure what I think of you, let alone know it. I just... can you just give me a little time? Please...?" he asked. He was not met with the success I was.

I stared at him in disbelief for a moment or two. "Well? Aren't you going to say anything? Or... should I say it another two times, so we'll be even?" he joked shyly, I guess trying to lighten the situation. I imagine he wasn't used to me acting serious, but then, who was?

I shook my head, suddenly angry. Touya had picked the wrong time to try and make a joke. "Fuck you, Touya. Yeh can have all the time you want, be'cuz it doesn' matter. Yer not worth it ta' me anymore." I flew away, moving to the opposite side of my limited space. Touya tried to catch up with me again, but I didn't let him do so after that, and when the boundary spell evaporated the next day, I flew off for another week or so.

Before returning, I resolved not to ignore Touya, but simply not to pay him any more attention than necessary. If I ignored him, it meant that I was acknowledging that I wanted nothing to do with him, which meant acknowledging that he still mattered. If I simply acknowledged him occasionally, then it meant that he was just another person in my life.

At first, Touya seemed hopeful that, since I paid attention to him when it came to dealing out tasks and such, I would pay attention to him when he wanted to talk about personal matters. However, when I constantly found a diversion every time he tried to talk to me about anything important, and when I refused to talk about anything important to him, he began to give up. He didn't have big ears to droop, but everyone could tell that he was getting as depressed as I had.

One night, he came to me in what I guessed to be a last ditch effort. "Jin. Would you mind taking me flying?" he asked shyly.

"Not this time, I'm kinda' tired," I said, and he nodded sadly.

"Of course. Maybe another time," he replied.

"Maybe..." I said, but I think we both figured that there wouldn't be 'another time,' at least not for a long while.

Touya turned and walked away then, pulling his shreds of dignity together and trying to look as though nothing was wrong. He mighta' even fooled me, if it weren't for what I'd seen in his eyes. We'd only caught eyes once in the whole conversation, just as he was turning away – I could see the very beginnings of a tear that he refused to let fall.

Not long after that, Ruka and Touya became a couple. She'd been expressing interest in him for a while since it was clear that there was no longer a chance of me getting with him any time soon, and I suppose she didn't mind being on 'the rebound' as I think Yusuke once put it.

That didn't help anyone's mood. I got quietly jealous and still more angry, Touya was restless and unhappy, and Ruka wasn't really thrilled with the way things were going either. Gama was awkward, and even Bakken and Reisho had the grace to be uncomfortable with the goings on.

Luckily, as most everyone expected, even Ruka herself, they didn't last long. A month or two later, Touya came to me in the early morning.

"Jin, I love you. You said it wouldn't matter, and I don't imagine it does. It's probably too little, too late. But I thought you should know." He spoke fast. He never spoke fast. He also started talking immediately, so I couldn't cut him off. When he finished, he started to turn to walk away.

I grabbed his shoulder and spun him back around. "Damnit, Touya... Fuck you." was all I could manage to say, before I tugged him into a tight hug (Really, it was an embrace. Hugs are great, but this was way different, and way better!) and started sobbing. "I love yeh, yeh know that what I said was just 'cuz I was angry! Yeh know I ramble and say things I don' mean all the time! But I mean it, Touya; I love yeh: so damn much it hurts, and these past several months have been unbearable, ye'know that? Yeh gods-be-damned fool, I love yeh so damned much!"

And after a minute of surprise, Touya wrapped his arms around me and started sobbing too, and we both collapsed into pathetic, sappy "I love you"s, but it didn't matter 'cuz we were both so exhausted from hiding it from each other. When we stopped crying, we just sat together, and then, shyly, very shyly, Touya asked me, "Will you take me flying? Please? It's been so long since last time."

I grinned and scooped him up, "Yeah, I'll take yeh flying."

The first time we had sex, it was in midair, and I asked him, "Yer not gonna freeze my balls off, are yeh?" To which he replied, laughing, "No, of course not, Jin!" before giving me a generous kiss.


End file.
